Thursday, January 29, 2009

What Now?

I feel a little directionless right now. Actually, to more accurately describe it I guess I should say that I'm confused as to which direction to take.

I am a young, stay-at-home mother of young children who has just had this life-changing experience by carrying and then holding one of Heavenly Father's choicest children.

And yet, here I sit, a young, stay-at-home mother of young children, doing the exact same things I did before Emma entered our lives. I feel like life should be different. More than that, I think I want life to be different. But I just don't know. Where do I go from here?

9 comments:

Laura said...

When you feel ready, you can help others in a similar or same situation. I'm sure you'd be great at volunteering in some way to help others. That can also help you deal with your pain.But, make sure you take care of yourself and help yourself, first. Seek guidance from your Bishop, and through Priesthood blessings. My heart goes out to you--I can see how you would be feeling this way. Although I haven't had your experiences, I feel that if I had, I'd feel similarly. Know that you are thought of and prayed for.

A&K Sanft said...

Hey Tiffany, this is Kim. We met (once) at Jill's baby shower, we shared the same due date and sat together. I liked you from the moment i met you. My heart has been broken for you as i learned the dificult journey you were being made to take. Your question, "what now?" is a good one. My husband & i have been married 6yrs and are about to have our 1st biological child. We had 6 failed fertility attempts, a miscarriage, & a failed adoption all before getting Dresden. All I learned was that SOMEHOW life does goes on, day by day, little by little and there is joy in store. More joy than we can imagine. We never leave our pain, we carry it with us but it makes us who we are. We are more compassionate, more empathetic, and better listeners, to ourselves, & to others. You are a woman of great faith and couage. i wish you and your family the peace that only the gospel can bring. Love, Kim

Lynette and Brad said...

Tiffany ~ I think it must be all part of that empty feeling after you lose someone dear to you. Emma has taken a part of you with her and it will take time to heal. Just keep doing what you're doing -- being the best mom and wife you can be, and soon the emptiness will heal, and you can feel like you can function again. Take time for yourself. If you don't win the makeover, do something for yourself anyway!! Go out and get your hair done!! Do something to pamper yourself...you deserve it!! Love you!!

Marie said...

Tiffany - We don't know each other. I am an old friend of McKennas and I read about you on her blog. I don't have any advice for you, but if it helps, know that you are strengthening others through your example of amazing faith. I will forever be inspired by you, even though we've never met. Thank you! You will be in my prayers.

Grandma Rozla said...

Hi Tiffany,
We too have never met but somehow I found your blog and I am in awe at your strength and your testimony. One of my favorite scriptures is "Be Still and know that I am God." I think that as you are still Heavenly Father will tell you what to do and how to continue to make a difference in the lives of others and how to proceed with yours! Sometimes as we are on the path we don't see the direction until way into our journey - but looking back we see the direction clearly and it is comfortable and peaceful. My prayers are with you :)

Janet said...

I'm not sure if this will help at all, but I think you should get in your car and come over to my house!

lisa moore said...

Tiffany,
That's interesting that you feel that way. When we went through all of our 'stuff' with Brent, I felt the same way. I keep feeling like I learned so much, and could help others, but what do I do with it? Where do I go from here? Everyone kept saying that because of Brent and the miracles that we experienced we were able to touch many people's lives. But certainly that can't be all can it? I guess I just wanted to say I feel the same way you do. Thanks for sharing everything with us.

KMDuff said...

Hugs Tiffany. I don't know if it is part of it, but you are also getting to deal with postpartum hormones while dealing with grief and loss. You are a strong woman. You will figure it out.

tatejen@yahoo.com said...

I truly think that is a natural part of the grieving process. Life has changed for you dramatically and it almost doesn't seem right that life just go on as "normal." It feels like life should almost stop somehow, and that it should be changed and different. It doesn't seem fair that everyone else gets to go on with their lives and for you to not know where to go from here. When we lost our little boy, I felt the same way. I felt angry that everyone else got to go on and that life didn't just stop. You know it has to go on and it is good that it does, but in the mean time it feels very strange and not right. Hang in there. It will get better. It probably doesn't feel like it right now, but life will get better and somehow you will go on. You will forever be changed. Your heart is changed, the way you think about things is changed, but you will be more empathatic to others that are hurting. I hope it gives you strength to know that many people are praying for you and your family. The biggest thing I would say is that you deserve to give yourself lots of time to heal, grieve, and get through this. Don't rush. Take care of yourself. Cry when you need to. Take time to go through the grieving process. It has many levels and you need to not rush through it. May the Lord bless you and give you strength!