I ought to write out a few of the thoughts I’ve had while I can.
I got to the doctor’s office before Tiffany and started hopelessly into some of my math homework, both excited to see my baby and anxious for all of the homework I needed to get done. The ultrasonographer was running behind and I was getting frustrated that she couldn’t keep her appointments on schedule. Forty-five minutes late we were finally called back into the room. Again I was almost angry that it was so late, but I was really excited to see the baby.
When it first came up on the screen, I was pleased to see the baby there. I thought it was amazing and I kept incorrectly guessing body parts as the tech scanned up and down the body. She measured a few bones and dimensions, but got up and left to get something. That made me a little mad too. I thought that of all things she ought to have everything that she needs. Then she came back with bad news. I made one light-hearted comment about a boy being the bad news and then the gravity of the situation set in. My little girl was coming to Earth without a brain and likely would not live to take a single breath.
I had not known how excited I would be for a little girl until I found that I may not get this one. My mind started racing of all of the things that she will miss out on and that our family may miss out on. I can only imagine holding her little hand in mine and watching her discover the world.
Now I pray with all that I have that she may still be able to live. Even one breath of air will assure that she can be Tiffany’s and mine after this life if we cannot have her now. It’s hard to know how much you can love an unborn child until something comes up. I continue to plead with my Heavenly Father letting Him know that I would do anything for this little girl. I also know that she is in His hands and whatever God decrees is right. I only hope that I can be strong enough to accept what I know to be true.