Ever since I got over the initial shock of Emma's diagnosis, I have put my full faith and trust in Heavenly Father and His plan for us. Yes, I haven't been perfect all the time, but I really do believe that this is His plan for our family and that everything is in His hands.
Because of this, I've been hesitant to fully ask for what I want. When I say my prayers, whenever I ask a blessing to be upon Emma, I always quickly follow it up with something similar to "if it be Thy will." I know that it's the right thing that I'm doing by wanting Heavenly Father's will to be done. However, I feel like it retracts from my own honest desires.
Okay, this is probably not making any sense. So don't mind my ramblings and if nothing turns out to make sense.
I expressed my thoughts to Tim and he told me that he thinks it's more than okay to leave out the phrase "if it be Thy will." He says if that's what I truly desire, Heavenly Father knows that and that I've admitted it enough verbally already. But I was still hesitant to pray for what I truly desired without adding in any clauses at the end.
Tuesday afternoon (after our ultrasound) I was reading the Book of Mormon and kind of just pondering the entire situation. I only got in a few verses before one of my children woke up, but what I read hit me.
26 ...Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be done unto you.
27 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, have miracles ceased because Christ hath ascended into heaven...?
29 ...have miracles ceased? Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither have angels ceased to minister unto the children of men.
33 And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.
Emma already is our miracle. If you combine the in utero death rates of babies with anencephaly, babies with trisomy 13 or 18, babies with encephalocele, and babies with heart defects, Emma has a slim chance to be alive. Yet she is! She's our fighter, our survivor. And for that I am so grateful.
But I'm going to ask for one more miracle from Heavenly Father. With Heavenly Father knowing the intents of my heart, I'm going to ask for the miracle that she be born alive.
Because that truly would be a miracle.