Friday, December 19, 2008

Hesitant

Ever since I got over the initial shock of Emma's diagnosis, I have put my full faith and trust in Heavenly Father and His plan for us. Yes, I haven't been perfect all the time, but I really do believe that this is His plan for our family and that everything is in His hands.

Because of this, I've been hesitant to fully ask for what I want. When I say my prayers, whenever I ask a blessing to be upon Emma, I always quickly follow it up with something similar to "if it be Thy will." I know that it's the right thing that I'm doing by wanting Heavenly Father's will to be done. However, I feel like it retracts from my own honest desires.

Okay, this is probably not making any sense. So don't mind my ramblings and if nothing turns out to make sense.

I expressed my thoughts to Tim and he told me that he thinks it's more than okay to leave out the phrase "if it be Thy will." He says if that's what I truly desire, Heavenly Father knows that and that I've admitted it enough verbally already. But I was still hesitant to pray for what I truly desired without adding in any clauses at the end.

Tuesday afternoon (after our ultrasound) I was reading the Book of Mormon and kind of just pondering the entire situation. I only got in a few verses before one of my children woke up, but what I read hit me.

Moroni 7
26 ...Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be done unto you.

27 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, have miracles ceased because Christ hath ascended into heaven...?

29 ...have miracles ceased? Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither have angels ceased to minister unto the children of men.

33 And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.

Emma already is our miracle. If you combine the in utero death rates of babies with anencephaly, babies with trisomy 13 or 18, babies with encephalocele, and babies with heart defects, Emma has a slim chance to be alive. Yet she is! She's our fighter, our survivor. And for that I am so grateful.

But I'm going to ask for one more miracle from Heavenly Father. With Heavenly Father knowing the intents of my heart, I'm going to ask for the miracle that she be born alive.

Because that truly would be a miracle.

8 comments:

gerald said...

And we will join our faith and prayers to yours, feeble though ours may be compared to yours, and perhaps Father will hear us as we plead unto Him in the name of our Advocate. Thank you, Tiffany, for your stirring example to me of how one should seek to endure, and seek to know the Father and the Son.

Andi said...

We will continue to pray for the same thing, knowing that prayer can be very powerful. It has occurred to me, though, that because of the things Emma has already accomplished in our extended family and the way she is helping us all become stronger and more in tune, I truly believe she has already established her eternal place as part of your family. I know Church doctrine is specific about babies who take at least a breath, and leaves the destiny of stillborns in the gray area, or open to individual revelation, but in this case, I have no worries either way: I can not believe anything other than the fact that Emma will be Emma Bishop, your oldest daughter, forever.

whitney.evan said...

it would be a miracle, and we will pray for it too!!!

Jennifer Rose said...

Tiffany- Thanks for your insights. You have really made me think about prayer and our role in asking for things. This is something I have thought about a lot, especially over the past year. I also feel that we should honestly ask for what we want, and the Lord really will answer our prayers. I feel that we should adopt a "but if not" attitude and this is where it can be difficult for me. Thanks for your example of faith.

lisa moore said...

Hey Tiffany,
You know how I feel about miracles. Without them I would be a very lonely person right now. :) Miracles can and do happen in our crazy world. We are still praying for your miracle to be able to see sweet Emma alive. Have a great Christmas. Your song was beautiful today. Thanks.

Ash & Jon said...

You amaze me, Tiffany. You simply amaze me. I need to be more like you.

Stephanie said...

The Lord knows the sincere desires of your heart.I think He will honor them. I think we can pray for miracles as long as we pray with the Sprit. D&C 48:30 He that asketh in the Spirit asketh according to the will of God wherefore it is done even as he asketh. There was a lady in my ward who was diagnosed with cancer and I remember praying not that she would be cured of her cancer but that she might at least be able to go to her daughter's wedding. a few months before the wedding she got better and was doing really well. several months after the wedding she became ill and later passed away.Heavenly father granted her that moment. I think He will do thesame for you

Misty said...

We just found out 2 weeks ago we are expecting a baby with Anencephaly in May of this year. I'm 25 weeks along now. How comforting to find your blog! I'm a Mormon Mom as well!