After we found out about Emma's diagnosis, Tim and I agreed that it wasn't best to "hide" it from anyone. While we didn't want to shout it from the rooftops, we also wanted people that we knew and would see more than once to know the truth. It made for some awkward encounters all around.
For example, there was the time that we got our flu shots. They asked if there was a chance that I might be pregnant and I said that yes, I was pregnant. Next they asked when I was due and I said January (because that's when we were planning on inducing) and they then proceeded to list all of the great benefits that the baby would have for the first six months of it's life because of me getting a flu shot. Tim and I just smiled and nodded our heads. A little awkward, but not too bad since they had no idea what was going on.
However, there were many other times that friends of ours would ask if we had found out yet what we were having. When we replied that we were having a girl, usually they would be really excited and ask us if we excited to be having a girl. For strangers, we just told them that yes we were. However, for friends we would then explain to them about Emma's diagnosis. It usually made for an awkward situation because then they felt really bad about it and we felt bad that they felt bad and so on.
I definitely had more of these "awkward encounters" when I was visibly pregnant, however, even though you can't see that I'm pregnant, I still have a few of these moments.
Today I had my post-partum checkup. (Has it really already been 6 weeks since Emma left us?) Before I went in to see the OB, his nurse was checking my weight and blood pressure. She asked me what my baby's name was and she asked what her weight had been (she was recording it in my chart). When I told her that she was 3 lbs. 3 oz. she looked surprised and asked how she was doing now and if she had gained more weight. I didn't want to lie, especially since I knew somewhere else on my chart it had Emma's diagnosis, so I told her that our baby had died. I couldn't help but cry. I really don't like these awkward encounters. The nurse felt bad and I felt dumb for crying. Luckily, it didn't last long. And luckily, my doctor remembered me and was very sensitive about everything. And he was kind of glad to hear that Emma's anencephaly was because of a chromosomal abnormality. While he did say that could lead to problems (if either Tim or I have a balanced translocation - hoping to hear back from Duke this week), he said he was really glad and I should be too that it wasn't a nutritional thing that caused Emma's anencephaly and that I could know that I had been doing everything I should have. While I've never felt guilty about Emma's defect being my fault, it's good to know that my OB doesn't feel that way either.
So I've sidetracked. Anyways, twice in the past week I've had people ask me about how my baby's doing and I've had to explain that she died and I've cried. As far as I see it, there's no good way to avoid these awkward encounters. So while I'm glad that they are less frequent now, I find them harder to deal with now that Emma actually has left us.