Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Baby Faith

I've been reluctant to post this because I have issues. Issues with jealousy and pride (along with many other things). I'm working on them, but I still have a long ways to go.

Faith was born on February 19. She is anencephalic, but is still alive (that makes her 13 days old today). At first I really struggled with this whole story because I felt a little hurt that Heavenly Father would bless Faith's family and friends with this tremendous miracle, when all we were asking for was the miracle of Emma being born alive. I'm still not completely over it, but I am able to take more joy in Faith's life now and realize what a miracle and blessing she truly is.

If you want to read updates on Faith, you can check our her mommy's blog at http://www.babyfaithhope.blogspot.com/.

10 comments:

Nicole said...

Completely understandable.

I am also working on a blog post on this exact subject, I just have not been able to out my thoughts into words & they actually make sense. It makes you wonder why of our babies are stillborn, some lives a few minutes,hours, then some people get days....((hugs))

Holly said...

I can def understand. Even though Carleigh has not been born yet I know I will be hurt if she isn't born alive. Myah is sooo blessed to have so many days w/ Faith. It's just so amazing.

Kristen said...

Oh Tiff - I'm a little jealous too, and yet, still grateful for the experience we had because of your wonderful family. You are completely normal for feeling this way. I know there's nothing I can really say that will make it better, but I do know that there is a plan for each of us whatever it might be. I love you!

Celia said...

Tiffany,
I feel the exact same way and felt ashamed to even admit to my family. I think what you are feeling is completely natural. Not only that, but I can imagine that most of us who have been through this journey (or are currently carrying) feel some of those same feelings. Faith is truly a miracle though and we need to make sure we remember to tell others about her, especialy the doctors who are so quick to dismiss the lives of our precious little ones.

Sarah said...

I even felt this way! At our Stake RS Conference, the speaker told of a daughter pregnant with a third child, the coveted daughter, and then they found out she didn't have a brain. She lived about 20 minutes and then they had 2 hours with her. They knew that the grandpa came and got her. And after they knew she was gone, it wasn't as hard as they thought to ring the bell and hand her over. Why her and not you!?!?!?!?!?! This probably isn't helping. Basic principles of the Gospel: faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; repent, repent, repent; keep covenants; rely on the Holy Ghost. This is my new mantra - how else does one deal with life, especially the unknowns.
much love

Jen and Brent said...

You are absolutely normal for feeling the way you do. You really are. Don't feel bad about it.

Jennifer Rose said...

Thanks for sharing this with us. How could one feel differently when you have so much love for Emma, yet didn't get the chance to spend a few precious moments with her, alive.

Peg (ABFA) said...

Hello Tiffany,

I just read your blog and felt compelled to share my feelings. Micah left me 26 years ago and I still feel a pang of envy, for lack of a better word. I wrote on another blog, that love can not be measured by time... a moment with your little one will be a lifetime of memories. Your moment was the time you carried Emma and the moment that you first saw her and the moment you held her in your arms. Life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Emma left me breathless so I can only imagine she had the same impact of you. THAT is life! That is what is really means... to be fully loved. She had a wonder filled life. I'm sorry that someones joy causes so many pain (because believe me, you are not the only one feeling this way). We are only human. God knows this... He isn't judging. Don't be too hard on yourself. Consider yourself hugged. Much Love, Peg

Heather Lea said...

I find all of you so very beautiful...

I want to say so many things to so many mommies and daddies suffering with anencephaly or Trisomy 18. I feel so guilty for posting at all bc I have four blessings which God willing, are healthy and will remain so.

I lost twins around 9 weeks (I call them my honeymoon twins bc they were conceived during our honeymoon). One was in utero and miscarried, the other tubal ectopic which was living and I actually had to make an unbelievable decision to terminate to prevent the high odds of rupturing. It was an awful time in my life. Each pregnancy and birth to follow was quite bittersweet with the memories of what we had lost and what might have been. Enough about me...this is SO not about me.

My whole reason for posting is to comment on Myah Walker's unbelievable Faith Hope...who's story I have been following for quite some time. I know there are many questions "why" Myah gets so much time, while others (sweet Emma and sweet Carliegh specifically who didn't get to draw their first breath but lived right up into labor) spend so much less time on Earth. I just want to say I often struggle with faith in God...over such selfish things...but there is one thing I know. GOD IS AWESOME...and has awesome plans for each and every life and I feel especially those beautiful babies who live so incredibility short lives (some a few days in utero, other a few days in the BIG WORLD) God has the BIGGEST and most AMAZING plans for. Those babies are SO VERY SPECIAL, God calls them Home early. How WONDEROUS!!! Of course saying this doesn't make it any easier to lose those little lives, but just think...they are all little tiny ANGELS in HEAVEN with tiny, sparkly, and featherly soft wings which allow them to flit around with God's GIANT PURPOSE and God's BIGGEST deeds to be done!

Bless them all! And God bless each and every parent of these special babies!

I hope you don't find me condescending. I admire you all.

Julie Fier said...

I understand your feelings of jelousy. My husband and I have been married for 8 years, but have not been able to have any children. I still get sad when other announce another pregnancy or birth. It does not get easier with time, no matter what anyone tells you. Just remember to bring your sorrow to God every day and He will help you to survive the pain!