At first I answered everyone with something similar to one of these two responses:
I have ups and downs, but more ups than downs.
Much better than I expected.
Those were my two most common answers because they really spoke the truth about how I was doing. But it's a little different now. I still have ups and downs, with more ups than downs, but I'm no longer doing better than I expected, because I feel like I'm still struggling. And in no way am I saying that I'm not allowed to be struggling, but I didn't expect it by this point, especially because of how well I felt I was doing immediately after Emma's birth.
However, I still really struggle with the fact that she died during labor. I know that Heavenly Father is good and great and that He has a plan for me. But I also know that I don't know what that plan is. And thus, it really makes things hard. I accept that Emma died during labor and that that was Heavenly Father's will, but because I don't know why it was His will, I struggle with it. I still greatly wish that she could have been born alive.
At the time that I said it, I don't think I truly understood how true my statement of "Emma dying inside of me just made this trial ten times harder" would really be. I can't explain why it's so difficult for me, because I don't know why. But it is, and I'm really trying to be an instrument in the Lord's hands right now as I seek to understand His will for me and our family.