Friday, February 27, 2009

The Big Question

The question I get asked all the time (which I don't mind) is how are you doing?

At first I answered everyone with something similar to one of these two responses:

I have ups and downs, but more ups than downs.

Much better than I expected.


Those were my two most common answers because they really spoke the truth about how I was doing. But it's a little different now. I still have ups and downs, with more ups than downs, but I'm no longer doing better than I expected, because I feel like I'm still struggling. And in no way am I saying that I'm not allowed to be struggling, but I didn't expect it by this point, especially because of how well I felt I was doing immediately after Emma's birth.

However, I still really struggle with the fact that she died during labor. I know that Heavenly Father is good and great and that He has a plan for me. But I also know that I don't know what that plan is. And thus, it really makes things hard. I accept that Emma died during labor and that that was Heavenly Father's will, but because I don't know why it was His will, I struggle with it. I still greatly wish that she could have been born alive.

At the time that I said it, I don't think I truly understood how true my statement of "Emma dying inside of me just made this trial ten times harder" would really be. I can't explain why it's so difficult for me, because I don't know why. But it is, and I'm really trying to be an instrument in the Lord's hands right now as I seek to understand His will for me and our family.

Our Final Winner!

Congratulations to Kristen Brady!!! You won a name painting from Camillion Creations!!!

Thank you to everyone for everything! A huge thank you to the sponsors who donated the prizes. Be sure to support them!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Hooray for double winners!

Today's winners are Trine Krueger and Camille Grimshaw!!! Congrats you two!!! You each won a $10 gift card to Pennyroyal Cafe!

I will be emailing you guys later with more details.
The last winner will be announced tomorrow!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Another Winner!

Congratulations to Josie Malquist - the winner for the customized blog header!!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The Second Winner!!!

Today's winner is Kim Bishop!!!

Congratulations Kim - you won 2 pairs of leg/arm warmers from Knotty Baby Wear!!!
A reminder to all winners: the only obligation you have (besides claiming your prize) is to spread the word about the company you won from. Thanks!!!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Our First Winner!

The $20 gift card from Scribble It goes to Jennifer Doiron!!!

Congratulations! The winner for the Knotty Baby Wear leg warmers will be announced tomorrow.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Showin' the Love - Day 5

Today is our last and final giveaway. It is sponsored by:


This giveaway is very near and dear to my heart. Camille, from Camillion Creations, is someone who I've never met, but whose love, support, and prayers I have felt throughout this experience. She is not only an amazing person, but she has incredible talent. Her work ranges from paintings to prints to art pendants to note cards. You can check out her website and her etsy shop. Also, go here to specifically see examples of the giveaway.

One lucky winner will receive a name painting!!!

Here's how it works:

  • Anyone can enter!
  • To enter all you have to do is leave a comment
  • You can leave one comment per day for each giveaway, but no more than that (meaning you can enter each one up to 7 times)
  • If we find that the winner has more than one comment a day for that giveaway, he or she will be disqualified and a new winner will be picked
  • Winners will be picked at random
  • If you win, you promise to spread the word about the company you won from (not too hard considering all you have to do is tell people that you won something from them)
  • All contests will run until midnight on the sixth day following their posting (so this contest ends next Thursday at midnight MST)
  • Winners will be announced the day after the contest ends
I hope you guys enjoy! Continue to enter the contests until their ending dates. Winners will be announced after their ending days next week.

I'm headed to Vegas today and while I won't be a winner there (because I don't gamble) you all can be winners for me! I'm excited to find out the winners!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Showin' the Love - Day 4

Today's giveaway is sponsored by:


For a long time, Provo has needed a place for people to grab some inexpensive, healthy food, sit, relax, do homework, listen to music, read good books and meet people who share the same interests. The Pennyroyal Café is a place for that to happen all day and into the wee hours of the night. This cafe has free Wi-Fi internet, shelves of books to read, and over 2000 square feet for seating. This is the latest and greatest thing to happen in Provo. If you haven't been to The Pennyroyal Cafe yet, you need to check it out!

TWO lucky winners will receive $10 gift cards (enough for a meal and a dessert)!!!

To enter this giveaway you need to be local enough to redeem these gift cards or know someone local

Here's how it works:
  • Anyone can enter!
  • To enter all you have to do is leave a comment
  • You can leave one comment per day for each giveaway, but no more than that (meaning you can enter each one up to 7 times)
  • If we find that the winner has more than one comment a day for that giveaway, he or she will be disqualified and a new winner will be picked
  • Winners will be picked at random
  • If you win, you promise to spread the word about the company you won from (not too hard considering all you have to do is tell people that you won something from them)
  • All contests will run until midnight on the sixth day following their posting (so this contest ends next Wednesday at midnight MST)
  • Winners will be announced the day after the contest ends

I hope you guys enjoy! Come back tomorrow for our next giveaway!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Showin' the Love - Day 3

***Just to clarify - you can enter each giveaway more than once. The rules are that you can enter once each day, so technically you have 7 chances to enter each giveaway. If this is your first time checking today, it means you can enter all three giveaways (even if you entered the other two yesterday or the day before).***

Today's giveaway is sponsored by:

My guess is you've seen their work around the internet, but probably didn't know to give credit to them. Day Dreams by Design is a company that provides both design services and business coaching. What I love most about their work is that everything is original and unique. On their homepage you can easily see the variety and creativity of their work through clients they've had. Day Dreams by Design is who did my new header above! And if you like their designs you're going to love their greeting cards! Check out Line upon Line Greeting Cards.

One lucky winner will receive a Header Design (a $150 value)!!!

Here's how it works:
  • Anyone can enter!
  • To enter all you have to do is leave a comment
  • You can leave one comment per day, but no more than that
  • If we find that the winner has more than one comment a day, he or she will be disqualified and a new winner will be picked
  • Winners will be picked at random
  • If you win, you promise to spread the word about the company you won from (not too hard considering all you have to do is tell people that you won something from them)
  • All contests will run until midnight on the sixth day following their posting (so this contest ends next Tuesday at midnight MST)
  • Winners will be announced the day after the contest ends


I hope you guys enjoy! Come back tomorrow for our next giveaway!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Showin' the Love - Day 2

Today's giveaway is sponsored by:


Knotty Baby Wear is an etsy shop that sells leg warmers and arm warmers for kids. She offers almost any color, pattern, or design you could want. Her warmers are made for babies, toddlers, and young kids. Click on the above logo to check out all of the neat stuff in her shop!

One lucky winner will receive 2 pairs of leg/arm warmers of your choice!
Here's how it works:
  • Anyone can enter!
  • To enter all you have to do is leave a comment
  • You can leave one comment per day, but no more than that
  • If we find that the winner has more than one comment a day, he or she will be disqualified and a new winner will be picked
  • Winners will be picked at random
  • If you win, you promise to spread the word about the company you won from (not too hard considering all you have to do is tell people that you won something from them)
  • All contests will run until midnight on the sixth day following their posting (so this contest ends next Monday at midnight MST)
  • Winners will be announced the day after the contest ends

I hope you guys enjoy! Come back tomorrow for our next giveaway!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Showin' the Love - Day 1

Let us begin the giveaways!!!
Today's giveaway is sponsored by:
Scribble it is an online store that covers not only all of your vinyl needs, but anything you could ever want as well. They offer wall art, lettering, and metal art. They also have opened an Etsy shop called Pink Sprinkle Prints that offers printable calendars, note cards, gift tags, stationary and more!

One lucky winner will receive a $20 gift card to their online store!!!
Here's how it works:
  • Anyone can enter!
  • To enter all you have to do is leave a comment
  • You can leave one comment per day, but no more than that
  • If we find that the winner has more than one comment a day, he or she will be disqualified and a new winner will be picked
  • Winners will be picked at random
  • If you win, you promise to spread the word about the company you won from (not too hard considering all you have to do is tell people that you won something from them)
  • All contests will run until midnight on the sixth day following their posting (so this contest ends next Sunday at midnight MST)
  • Winners will be announced the day after the contest ends

I hope you guys enjoy! Come back tomorrow for our next giveaway!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day!

Okay, Happy early Valentine's Day!

Remember how loved you guys make me feel? Remember how much I have appreciated your love, support, and prayers through everything? Remember how you guys are just so wonderful?

Well I sure do!

I've been trying to think of ways to show you guys how much I love you in return and how grateful I am for you, because sometimes words just don't do it justice.

And while what I've got still doesn't fully express my gratitude, I think you'll still enjoy it.

So here's what we're going to do:

We're going to be having a giveaway!

Stay tuned! Details will be coming soon...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

January 15 Part 3

As soon as Emma was born, her teeny tiny body was placed immediately on a blanket that was on my belly. I don't think I can accurately describe how absolutely beautiful she was. I just got to hold her while the doctors did the stuff for the Duke Study (they had to get her cord blood, but leave the placenta inside of me while doing it, etc.). Besides the anomaly on her head, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. She had beautiful long fingers and toes and her whole body was very slender. Also, her anomaly was only on the top of her head. Besides that she actually had a nice round head in back with the traditional dark hair that my babies thus far are always born with.

Many people who had gone through similar experiences told me that all you would see was your baby’s beauty when they were born, but it was a hard thing to believe until it actually happens to you. But that sure was the truth with Emma. Also, despite the fact that she hadn’t been alive for 13 hours already, her coloring wasn’t bad at all.

Once they were done with the Duke Study stuff, we had Emma measured for weight and length. Then we swaddled her and tried to put a cap on her head. The hardest part was that there was nothing for the front of a hat to grab onto unless we wanted the hat covering her eyes. So we would put the hat behind her head like a normal hat, but then it was just rest in the front right above her eyebrows.

Then our families came in. At first they all just looked on while I was holding Emma, it almost seemed as if everyone was hesitant as to what to say and do. Then I offered to let others hold Emma. She first was held by her grandmothers, followed by her grandfather that was able to be there (due to health, my dad couldn’t make it out here). Then the aunts and uncles all got their turns as well.

I hate to admit this, but as soon as Emma started getting passed around, my focus became food. I was soooo hungry. Luckily the nurses were able to bring me in several snacks and some juice and my family had saved a little pizza for Tim and me. I felt much better after I got some food into my system.

Some memorable moments from that time with family:
- Gerald (Tim’s dad) thanking Emma for being a part of our lives
- Benjamin saying “Emma” (Peter did too, but we already knew he could say Emma)
- Benjamin holding hands with Emma
- The love and spirit that filled the room

After everyone got a turn or two at holding Emma, she was given back to Tim and I to bathe her. Heather, the bereavement specialist from the hospital (who we previously met through Angel Watch) came in to show us how to do this. This was when we really noticed how long and slender she was. It also reconfirmed to us how beautiful she was. It was harder to bathe her than I thought it would be, but I guess bathing any newborn is not that easy, but add in the fact that you are trying to keep on a hat that isn’t on all the way and it makes it just a bit more difficult. Also, Emma pooped! I was so surprised when we tilted her on her side and that black tar stuff was there. We put a super tiny diaper on Emma which in my mind was so adorable.

After we bathed her, we put on the beautiful white dress that my mom had bought. Then we took more pictures! I am so grateful for all of the pictures that everyone took. At this point it was starting to get late, so everyone said their goodbyes to Emma and our families left. I am so grateful to have those wonderful people in our lives.

Tim and I spent a little more time with Emma and then Heather came to get molds of her hands and feet, take some more pictures, and also do some imprints. She took Emma over to the side and started to get everything ready and you know what? I fell asleep! I guess I was so exhausted that I just couldn’t lay in my bed and not fall asleep.

I woke up when the nurse next came in. Heather was about done at this point. I asked the nurse how much longer I had to have my IV in (it was in a really uncomfortable and inconvenient spot). She told me that it would probably be ready to come out after I first went to the bathroom. I was excited because I needed to go the bathroom! So she and Tim helped me to the bathroom and then I came and got back in bed. I then asked the nurse the same question and she said that it would probably be ready to come out when I was ready to go to bed. Yes Please! It was probably 10:30 pm at this point and I was exhausted. Long story short (or not so short), she took it out for me even though I think she probably was supposed to leave it in for longer. Oh by the way, this is a new nurse now. Shortly after Emma was born, Marilyn went off shift. Also, our nurse from the entire night before stopped in to say hi and thank us for our example to her as she was back on a shift again.

Heather gave Emma back to us and said that she would bring the molds back when they were dry. Tim got a roll-away bed, Emma got a bassinet, and we all went to sleep.

I slept wonderfully! I did have to get up several times to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night (I think because I drank so much after Emma was born), but I kind of liked it because after every trip I would stop and spend some time with Emma before going back to sleep.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

January 15 Part 2

We were woken up around 7 am when my doctor came in to check on us. We now had a new nurse, Marilyn, but this was the nurse that we had met with before in our meetings with Angel Watch. I think I was dialated to a 1 or a 2, so the doctor decided that we would stop with the cytotech and do something else. I'm not quite sure what everything is called, but the essence is that they stuck a catheter in me that had a balloon on it. They then inflated the balloon once it was inside of me. Since Emma did not have the head pressure of most babies, this was to assist in putting pressure on my cervix from the inside.

At this time, we decided to call our families and to tell them. Tim was in charge of informing his family and I was in charge of informing my family. My mom didn't answer her phone, so I next tried my sister Erika. She didn't answer either but called me right back. I broke down in tears as I told her, "it's done." Quickly realizing that this didn't explain much, I told her that Emma was still inside of me, but that she had already passed away.

Honestly, I hated making that statement. It was still such heartbreaking news for me, but I also knew that it would be heartbreaking for others as the word was passed around. I asked my sister to make sure that the rest of my family was informed.

Tim then posted here on our blog that Emma had died. He had actually written the post soon after the actual passing happened, but when we decided to hold off on calling our families, we also decided to hold off on posting about it.

Soon after our immediate families were informed, family visitors started to arrive. We laughed and we cried together. I am so grateful for what wonderful families Tim and I come from. The atmosphere was peaceful, reverent, and respectful, but also one filled with happiness, laughter, and joy.

My mom stayed the rest of the day with us in the hospital room while other family members came and went. It was nice because I didn't really feel like being alone, but that way Tim could go get something to eat for breakfast and lunch without leaving me by myself. My mom was also able to go and get things to eat as well.

Things throughout the day progressed, but very slowly. I varied in my emotional and physical strength. As you can see from the other posts, neither Tim nor I got a good night's rest. Maybe two hours here, an hour there, 30 minutes there, and that was probably it. So I dozed on and off throughout the day. Additionally, I really just don't like epidurals. While it was so nice not to be in extreme pain, I was still in some pain from all of the cramping and I was quite uncomfortable. I probably had Tim help me flip over to my other side every half hour in order to try to get a little more comfortable. Oh, and by this point I was extremely hungry! I hadn't eaten since noon on Wednesday the 14th.

Throughout the day, I would also have Tim check this blog and read me some of the comments. As sad as the situation was, I don't think I can truly express how much the love and compassion and pure numbers from the comments uplifted me. It really lightened my heart to know how many people were praying for and thinking about us that day.

As late afternoon came, I finally was dialated to about a six, but my water had broken naturally, so we hoped that the labor would speed up a little. Also, the balloon catheter came out at that point because the balloon was now smaller than my cervix.

The majority of our families went home to go rest for a while and then to eat dinner. Around 4 I was dialated to about an 8 and then around 5 pm (24 hours since we had checked in) I was a 9, pushing 10. My mom called everyone to let them know that it was almost time. Around 5:15 I was dialated to a 10 and my doctor (who had been informed how close I was) arrived minutes later. My mom left the room to go join the rest of our family (who were eating pizza in the waiting area) and I got prepped to push.

My doctor realized how much pain I was still in however and called for the guy who gives epidurals (sorry, I'm not even going to attempt to spell it) to give me a second dose before I pushed. After I got that, my OB waited a little bit to let it get into my system. He went over with the nurse what they needed to do for the Duke Study while we waited. Finally, it was time to push. It only took a push or two to get Emma's head out. She was face up, but because of how small she was it didn't really matter. However, her shoulders did get stuck. So the doctor had to work a little to let her shoulders loose. But a couple of minutes and a few good pushes later, Emma Charity Bishop was delivered. Her delivery time was recorded as 5:33 pm.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

January 15 Part 1

If you remember from this post, January 15th started out with me feeling a little on the miserable side. My nurse had been saying for several hours that they would give me an epidural as soon as I wanted and that I didn't need to tough it out. I don't know how to best explain this other than to say I'm not a huge fan of epidurals. However, I am a major wimp and don't handle pain well. We talked to my nurse a little after midnight and decided that it might be best for me to get an epidural. That was administered to me around 12:30 am and was followed by my next dose of cytotech. I was then able to sleep for a little bit.

Around 2 am, my nurse came in again and told me that Emma's heart rate had dropped to about 80 bpm (remember, normal is 120 to 180) and it was not picking up at all. She said it wasn't dangerous, but it did worry her a little. So our nurse called my doctor and he said that they should back off of the cytotech for a little while because the dosage might be too much for Emma to handle. (I should also insert here that up to this point my doctor had called the nurse a couple of times to check on me). So the nurse told me that was the plan and I went back to sleep.

Around 3:30 am the nurse came back in because she was no longer picking up a heartbeat from the monitor. This had happened a few times before and after adjusting the monitor, we were able to pick something up again. However, as the nurse continued to adjust the monitor, she was not able to pick anything up. She told us that she was going to do an ultrasound to check on Emma.

She brought in the ultrasound machine and found Emma's heart and focused in on it. I could see the screen and saw that the heart was moving in some sort of manner, but I knew it wasn't nearly as normal or fast as it should be. Our nurse said that she was going to bring in the head nurse to take a look at it with her.

The head nurse came in and it took them a while to focus in on Emma's heart, but finally they did. Neither of them looked at me, but they started to discuss and explain to Tim and I how Emma's heart was really only fluttering and that as they counted, it was less than 20 bpm. They went on to explain several other things about what was going on. They did not say that she was close to death, but both Tim and I knew it and I couldn't help but begin to cry. The nurses then turned to face me and while nothing was said, we all knew that each other knew that this was the end. I began to cry some more. Our nurse said to us, "I think we should stop monitoring Emma, is that okay?" We agreed and our nurse turned off the ultrasound machine. I felt one last kick from Emma in the seconds after the machine was turned off. That was at 4 am. Emma's time of death was listed as 4:01 am.

The nurses left the room and Tim and I cried together and held each other and cried some more together. I don't remember all the words that were exchanged between us, but both of us were heartbroken. Tim said a prayer and I also don't remember much of the prayer, but I do remember that he asked a blessing upon all of the people that were praying for us. I am so glad he did that because I knew how much Emma was loved by others and I knew that we wouldn't be the only ones who were heartbroken.

And yet, as heartbroken as I was, I have to say that I was filled with such an immense peace. Going into labor, I thought I would be devastated if Emma didn't survive the birth, but I wasn't. I know that Heavenly Father gave me that peace to ease the burden and oh how grateful I am for that. I don't think I can accurately describe the peace I felt, but it was there, despite the heartache.

As Tim and I continued to talk, I had a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings. One major one was I wanted to go home and be done. I didn't want to be in the hospital anymore. However, that wasn't possible. I also sulked for a little bit about how much harder the whole situation just became. And then, once again, I thought of everyone who was praying for us and my heart ached for all of you.

I need to add here that words cannot accurately describe what exactly went on after about 3:30 in the morning. However, I want to do the best that I can so that I have a written record of it. Additionally, I'm not ready to share with the world all of the experiences I had at that time. So because some things are too sacred and personal, I'm not sharing them.

We decided not to call our families right away. It was now about 4:45 am and we knew that our news would be upsetting enough that it might disturb people's sleep, so we decided to wait until later in the morning.

Because Emma had already left us, I was given one more dose of cytotech around 5 am. The nurse then reviewed with us Emma's heartbeat patterns since the time we had arrived (at this point, over twelve hours ago) and then Tim and I went to sleep.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Update on my Dad

I've been busy this week. So busy in fact that I planned on going grocery shopping on Monday, but I didn't have time to do it. It got pushed back every single day as I continued to not have time for it. Finally, tonight (Friday) I quickly ran to the store after Tim got home because I realized that I didn't have enough cheese for our meal.

But I wanted to post just a quick update on my dad. According to what I've been told, the surgery went better than expected. In my opinion, that is very good news! They just started him today on the anti-rejection medicine and apparently it can give you some serious and nasty side effects. For my dad, it's causing him to sweat and sweat and sweat. So much so that he soaked through at least two sets of bed sheets. I say at least because this update was given to me this afternoon and it's now evening.

So I thank everyone for their prayers and love!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

It's Liver Day!

A liver became available for my dad last night and he has now begun the six hour surgery process. Prayers for him and his doctors are welcome and invited. Thank you!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Emma's Chromosomes

I plan on finishing the rest of the labor and delivery story later. I doubt anyone's at the edge of their seats to hear what happened next, because most of you already know the general story. However, I want to have it recorded before too much time passes and I also found it a little therapeutic to take the time to think about it and start to write it out. So it will be coming.

In the meantime, we got the results back from Duke University. As many of you know, we found a study that they were doing on anencephaly and decided that we wanted to participate. It required Tim and I to give them samples of our blood, answer lots and lots of questions in a telephone interview, and then donate Emma's cord blood for them to test after she was born.

As we suspected, Emma did have a chromosomal abnormality. Our perinatologist was the one who said she thought Emma might have one because in addition to the anencephaly, she had several other things that were wrong. The perinatologist suggested that Emma might have one of the trisomies (most likely 13 or 18). We opted out of the genetic testing anyways because only 5% of babies with anencephaly end up having something abnormal in their genetics. But when we decided to participate in the Duke Study, we learned that they would do it for us.

So the results. Emma did not have a trisomy. Emma was missing part of her Chromosome 1. The exact result was: 46,xx,del1p36. That means that she had 46 chromosomes, she's a girl (xx), and that there was a deletion on chromosome 1 on the short (or p for petite) arm. The 36 further specifies the spot, but obviously it was the end.

We found this out last Friday, but I was just able to speak with the geneticist again today to ask her more questions and to clarify some more things.

Here's what I learned:

In the 5% of babies with anencephaly that they find a chromosomal abnormality, the majority of them have Trisomy 18. That would mean that their test results would read 47, xx (or xy in the case of a boy). The other babies that fall in that 5% but do not have Trisomy 18, usually have random findings. Emma is the first baby in Duke's study (they've been at this since '93 or '94 I think) that has had a deletion on chromosome 1. However, the geneticist did some research and there was (or is, I don't know) a study in California and they too had one anencephalic baby that had a deletion on Chromosome 1. I guess just two babies is enough for the geneticist to think that there might be something significant there. But my guess is that will take a long time to figure out.

Now to enlighten you about Chromosome 1 and the actual deletion. Chromosome 1 is the largest human chromosome and represents about 8 percent of the total DNA in human cells. There is a specific syndrome for this deletion. It is called 1p36 deletion syndrome. However, neural tube defects are not associated with this syndrome. It is one of the most common deletion syndromes and occurs in one every 5,000 to 10,000 births.

What does it mean for us? Duke University is sending us another kit for some blood work to be done. They want to do some more testing on my blood. Because of their lack of funds right now, they are not going to test Tim's blood initially. If my results come back normal, they still might not test Tim's blood, but they'll decide when we get to that point.

Here's what wikipedia had to say on the matter:

Most deletions in chromosome 1p36 are new mutations, that occur before fertilization, during the formation of gametes (eggs or sperm). There have also been reports of patients with 1p36 deletion syndrome whose parents have a balanced or symmetrical translocation. This means a portion of one chromosome is transferred to another chromosome, so the parent has the "36" portion of chromosome 1 attached in an alternate location. When this occurs, cell division creates gametes that are missing a piece of 36.

In new mutations, the mechanism causing chromosome breakage is unknown. Deletions of paternal origin (father) are larger than the deletions deriving from the maternal (mother) chromosome. The majority of deletions are maternally derived. There do not seem to be differences in the clinical manifestations (the symptoms or observable conditions which are seen as a result of 1p36) based on whether the deletion is on the paternal or maternal chromosome.


I should also mention that the majority of facts from this post were either given to me verbally by the geneticist at Duke University that we are working with or taken from the wikipedia page on 1p36 deletion syndrome.

I'm not too worried about it at this point. Mostly because I don't think they'll find anything wrong with my chromosomes. Both the geneticist and the information from wikipedia lead me to believe that it happened on its own. But secondly, even if they do, I know that Heavenly Father is watching out for me and my family.

Monday, February 2, 2009

January 14

We had scheduled with the hospital for me to go in at 5 pm but were told that they would give us a call when they had a room ready for us. My doctor has also instructed me to eat lunch, but then to eat nothing after noon. At 4 in the afternoon, I was drying my hair when Tim came in to tell me the hospital just called and they were ready for us. I don't know why it shocked me so much, but I was startled that they were calling an hour earlier. I quickly finished drying my hair and packing everything we needed.

Before we left for the hospital, Tim gave me a blessing, with his dad and my brother there as well. I remember hoping that finally the Lord's will would be revealed in that blessing. But once again, it was not. I was blessed with those things I would need though (peace, comfort, strength).

We said goodbye and left Peter and Benjamin with my mom, Tim's parents, and a couple of our siblings. I was not worried at all about how they would do. They were loving the attention of everyone.

We arrived at the hospital and had a short delay in checking in because some information on me was missing. But after they got that taken care of, we were shown to our room. The initial nurse (the one who showed us our room) wasn't aware what was going on, as she had the impression we were like most people and were just needing prostin gel before being induced in the morning. However, another nurse then came in and she was aware of the situation.

Then my doctor came in and checked me. I was not at all effaced and just a fingertip dialated. He ordered that I be given cytotech every 3 hours. Tim and I knew we were in for a long night.

They put an IV in me in a really annoying spot. It was right on the inside bone on the wrist of my left hand. Next they gave me the first cytotech pill (it's given vaginally) around 6:30 pm. Then the visitors arrived! My sister had flown in by this point and my other sister had picked her up from the airport and brought her down. So we had my mom, Tim's parents, my sisters and brother, Tim's sister, and our two little boys. It was fun to have lots of family there to hang out with. The majority of them left when it became obvious that my boys needed to get home and to bed, but my siblings stayed around and we played the Game of Life. Even though they didn't let me win, it was still fun.

During the game, I started to feel a little cramping. At first I thought they were contractions because it was coming and going and the monitor would pick them up, but then it became less of a consistent coming and going and more of a constant irritation. However, it wasn't that annoying to begin with and I was excited that things were beginning.

My siblings left sometime around 9:30 and they gave me the second dose of cytotech at that point. While the pain from the cramping was getting worse, Tim and I decided we would try to get some rest (despite the fact we knew I'd be getting a new pill every 3 hours).

However, rest never really came. After the second pill, my uncomfortableness got worse. I also had to go to the bathroom several times and needed Tim's help with the IV line. Additionally, Emma's heartbeat would begin to fluctuate and our nurse would come in and let us know that it wasn't holding steady where it should be at. But every time, Emma seemed to get it back up to normal, so then the nurse would come back in and let us know that. (Some people might be annoyed by that, but I'm so grateful that our nurse was honest with us). Also, sometimes the monitor would stop picking up Emma's heartbeat and the nurse would come back in and adjust the monitor until she picked it up again.

As the time passed, I became more and more miserable from the uncomfortableness/cramping/contractions. I didn't really know what was going on because it wasn't like my previous labors where there were definite painful contractions. This was just an all around yucky and hurting feeling. Around 11 pm, the nurse gave me a dose of fentanyl to help with the pain. It was wonderful and knocked me right out and I got probably a glorious 45 minutes of sleep! However, it was done after those 45 minutes and I was right back where I had been before: miserable, tired, and in much pain.